You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
