just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
