I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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