Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
