I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
