Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize