he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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