she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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