I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
