i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
