I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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