i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
