Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
