You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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