Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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