haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize