I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
