so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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