I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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