So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My pussy is not your playground.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize