Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
