I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
