my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
