Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found your dick twin last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
