1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize