I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
