I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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