I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found your dick twin last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
