So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
