Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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