dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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