I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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