Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
