Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
