I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
