I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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