Tell her she can't have a vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
