Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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