my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
