it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Randomize
