It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
