wat bout pragnant strippers??
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize