I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
