I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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