Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
