Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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