You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize