my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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