Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
