I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
