The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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