Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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