I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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