You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize