I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize