JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
