it was like eating out sand paper
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
