I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize