tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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