I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
