tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
