it hurts more in the daytime
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Come share oat with me in your robe
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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