i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
