Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
