So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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