Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
