We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
