At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
