I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
