never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
