it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
